When you're travelling solo, don't go bragging about how strong you are. You just may end up having to sail the boat. Here, the author is at the helm in Loksado, Kalimantan (Borneo), Indonesia. Photo courtesy of Samantha Libby

A girl travelling alone. It’s enough to spawn a whole lot of talk, mostly littered with a whole bunch of don’ts. Don’t dress provocatively. Don’t stay out late. Don’t look fancy. All good advice, but there’s no reason caution should overshadow a good adventure.

Instead, let’s take a break from all the sad headlines and focus on what only solo female travellers can do. And why they should. So here’s my go.

Developing countries have the misfortune of being known for their crises and wars. They seem like the last places a girl should visit alone, but I think that’s because all the cool stuff never gets written about. In February 2011, I therefore decided it would be a great idea to trek through the jungles of Kalimantan, in Indonesian Borneo, and then later see what was going on with the tribes of Iriyan Jaya, in West Papua. Alone.

Now I’m no adventure expert. I could not survive in the jungle if I tried. I don’t have a black belt or any girl-scout badges. I just thought it would be fun to see what’s out there. Instead of being my undoing, this conviction and optimism saved my life on more than one occasion.

Encounters in Borneo

Upon arrival in Indonesian Borneo – my first stop – I immediately set off to find one obvious necessity: a guide who spoke English. It was easier said than done, but sooner than later I found myself on a boat sailing to a place where, I was promised, there were ‘many animals.’ It was just me and five guys I’d just met heading north into the jungle.

This is the point at which people tell me I am either very stupid or very lucky. Maybe. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. But the answers to all my fears turned out to be little more than a slap in the face to my western sensibilities. The truth is that it’s far more dangerous to be on a boat with five people you don’t know in the U.S. than it is to be with them in the middle of nowhere. Why? Because of the way tribal cultures see women and how those women perceived and welcomed me.

You see, traditional – especially tribal – cultures in Borneo have very specific roles for both genders. While they naturally vary from place to place, it’s safe to say that women assume a more domestic role and most likely do not travel far from the protection of their villages without company. But the women I encountered were not repressed. They were respected members of their community.

The author hangs out with local kids somewhere in Kalimantan (Borneo), Indonesia. Photo courtesy of Samantha Libby

So when I came sweating through the jungle and stumbled upon a local community that, as my guide explained, had never met a westerner before, the response was strong. Immediately I was surrounded by people, mostly other women. One asked, with sad eyes, why I left my husband and children. It was inconceivable to her that I wasn’t married. Who was this girl? Sensing her distress, I said I was engaged. Suddenly everything was better. She nodded in approval, relayed the information to the group. I was invited to stay the night.

Customs Worth Following

I learned then and there that, when you are alone and must rely on the kindness of strangers, you do best to play by their rules.

The author stands for a souvenir picture with a new friend in West Papua, Indonesia. Photo courtesy of Samantha Libby

Why was everything OK? Because the women I met felt they could understand me. I had my guide explain to me what a woman was expected to do in the host culture and then I did the best I could to follow suit. Did I wash the dishes? Yes. Did I sing songs on request? Yes. Would a feminist from the west be OK with this? Debatable.

I’m not saying that anyone should lie or pretend to be someone he or she is not. After all, travel is ideally about honest cultural exchange. But the perfect exchange rarely happens as it does in artfully directed movies or well-rendered memoirs. Over the years I’ve found that having a base, a truthful base, of commonality to build upon is the best way to connect without someone who sees the world in a fundamentally different way. Coming in guns blazing and asserting the sanctity of your own uniqueness will not work in traditional cultures that are community oriented, unlike the more individualistic societies of the West. Whether one agrees with local cultural norms or not, it is often advisable to abide by them: Following common customs – especially those pertaining to women – will not only make your trip safer, it will bring you far closer to a culture than an expensive camera or souvenir ever will.

New Friendships Forged

The author poses with a miner after interviewing him about the conditions of diamond mines outside Benjarmasin, Kalimantan (Borneo), Indonesia. Photo courtesy of Samantha Libby

On my first night in the Bornean jungle, the locals killed a pig (I think that’s what it was) and came over for a barbecue. Then the questions began.

“Are all women in your village as crazy as you?”

“Some.”

“How far is your village by boat?”

“I’m from the United States.”

“What’s that place?”

“A large place with many different types of people.”

“Are there many crocodiles there?”

“Some.”

“Are there many crazy people there?”

“Some.”

“Ah. Be careful.”

And for the next two weeks, you could say that we were friends.

At the end of the day, it all depends what you want to come away with from your travels. Good adventures are to be had all over the world, alone or with friends, whether you are male or female. But women travellers can create uniquely beautiful relationships with other women – even in isolated communities – precisely because there are no preconceived notions to stand between you. In a globalising world, this is increasingly rare. But if you are willing to give a little, the community of women will always be open to you.

Samantha Libby

Samantha Libby is a freelance journalist based in Hanoi, Vietnam, where she works for a contemporary art gallery. She is also an artist and the author of numerous short stories, plays and, most recently, a novel. She loves the crazy, the random and the weird, as well as places and people that some would deem 'uncivilized'. She received her BFA in Dramatic Writing from the Tisch School of the Arts, NYU, in New York City. She likes cake, too.

Other posts by Samantha:

• Four Excellent Overlooked Christmas Markets in Europe
• Where and How to Help Marine Turtles in the Mediterranean Region
• Wandering Across the Wahiba Sands of Oman

View a full list of posts by Samantha.

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 9th, 2011 at 10:00 am and is filed under the following categories: